I love driving, but driving a moped in Bali is NOT my kind of fun. The roads are crowded and chaotic. I’m afraid I’m not skilled enough to handle the different road rules here. I’m afraid of the other drivers. I didn’t think I needed to be afraid of them touching me. I was wrong. Continue reading
Category Archives: Personal Growth
2017’s Silver Lining
2017 was the worst year of my life. I got sick on NYE and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the year. Throughout December, I reflected on ALL of the pain I experienced this year. It really fucking sucked to relive those memories and emotions, but I found my silver lining.
My First Ecstatic Dance in Perth
Since I first arrived in Perth, my main priority has been getting plugged in. I want to feel at home here. I want to feel connected. I want it to be filled with the things I loved doing on Maui as well as the things that were harder to find. I immediately sought places to practice yoga, aerial arts, salsa, krav maga, Reiki circles, and ecstatic dance.
I arrived in Perth last Thursday and the next ecstatic dance was two nights later. I was so happy to find it so soon. The afternoon of the dance, I took the train down to Fremantle with a friend from the hostel. We walked around the town then headed into the market place. We got there just before it closed, but I saw enough to know I want to go back and soon. There was beautiful, local aboriginal art work and lots of local jewelry artists. The food looked stellar- and there was a Hawaiian poke vendor!! When we had seen the last of the open vendors, my friend headed to a restaurant, and I hopped in an Uber to the North Fremantle Community Centre.
Previous ecstatic dances that I have attended have been pretty open and free flowing. Arrive when you want. Leave when you want. Sit outside and cool off with friends. Rejoin the dancing when you’re ready. The set up that Dancing Dhevas had was more structured. Doors closed at 7:05, and if you decided to leave early, there was no coming back in. I was originally planning on dancing for an hour and then meeting back up with my friend, but I realized that maybe it was best if I stayed for the whole session. So I sent her a message to delay our rendezvous.
The group of attendees started in a circle, and the leader/DJ of the night talked about what ecstatic dance really is and what we are there for. What I took away from what he said is this:
Ecstatic Dance is the practice of letting your spirit free through movement. But its more than just expressing your inner self. Its listening to and learning from the energy within us and around us on a different level than we normally access. Then he talked about not showing off and not being focused on what others are doing or if somebody is seeing you. This isn’t a dance competition.
I loved how he explained it. It was a good reminder of what we practice ecstatic dance for, and it set a good tone for the whole evening. The music started, and it didn’t take me long to let loose. After staying in a hostel, I was ready for open movement and expression. I was grooving and feeling pretty happy when I felt called to gently stroke my right arm with the back of my left hand. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes. I thought to myself, “Don’t you dare cry in front of all these people!” But I remembered that this is exactly why I came here. I let the tears fall freely.
As the tears fell, I realized how much I missed Maui and the aloha spirit. Where you’re more likely to hug a stranger than to shake their hand. Where you feel safe to smile and say ‘hello’ to everyone. I’ve been staying in the city centre of Perth and it feels cold and unfriendly. It feels like everyone is in too big a rush to notice another person’s existence. I realized that I’m just longing for a hug. For somebody to reach out their hand and say, “I see you; I see the light in you.”
It felt amazing to be in a safe place where I could let myself feel that sorrow. To honor myself and the emotions within me. To see a “negative” emotion and not shove it down to a place where it would only kick and scream until it found another way out. But it felt amazing to acknowledge and express the pain and sorrow through dance. To experience the grief on multiple levels and shake it out through my fingertips. I felt myself filling back up with the positive energy around me. I thought I had been smiling earlier, but after releasing that pain, I was absolutely beaming.
Towards the end of the evening, the DJ had us turn towards the person closest to us and continue to dance. He turned on music that I would best describe as rag time meets electronica. I could be way off base with that description, but either way, I could not stop giggling. It was so fun and light hearted. It was really fun to dance to this with a partner. To look into the eyes of a stranger and literally dance your heart out.
The DJ had the couples pair up into groups of four, and then later eight. It was beautiful to connect with people in an intimate way with no words or physical touch involved.
As the evening wound down, we found our own space again. Some people danced to the very last moment, while others took the time to stretch or rest along the edges. I belonged to the latter group. When the dancing was done for the night, we all sat in a circle and said one word to describe how we were feeling. My word was ‘grateful’, and I truly was.
Reiki: The Light that Led Me Out of Depression
I wrote the following biosketch for my application to be ordained as an inter-faith minister. It’s a deeply personal story, but I decided to share this with you for two reasons. First of all, if you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, it helps to know that you are not alone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is (800)273-8255. Please consider reaching out to friends, family, a therapist, or a medical professional, Maybe even consider trying Reiki. The second reason I want to share this with you is because I want you to know why Reiki is so important to me. I did have friends, family, and coworkers trying to help me. But I felt like I was in a thick fog; their voices couldn’t reach me. I hate to think about what today would be like if I hadn’t experienced Reiki. I don’t want to spend another moment of my life in that much darkness. Continue reading
Waking Up From the American Dream
I was groomed for the American Dream for as far back as my memory takes me. Standardized testing at an early age. Promoting the idea of a college education, a stable career, getting married, buying a house, and having some children. I didn’t grow up wealthy, but I certainly grew up in a home that strived for and achieved the American Dream. My parents got married, worked hard, had two kids and bought a house in a suburb with a highly rated public school system. They nailed it. I have friends who have worked hard and achieved all of these things as well. I’m happy for them, truly. They are wonderful people, and they are living great lives. But when I take a deeper look at this Dream, I personally see a nightmare. Continue reading
She Taught Me to Appreciate My Birthday
I used to shy away from my birthday. It’s not because I felt anxious about being another year older, I just didn’t see the importance of celebrating my so called ‘special day’. (vom). I’m not really into presents and I don’t want a big ordeal made out of it. I have rarely requested the day off work. And last year, my friend and coworker Tomi was not pleased that I was at work on my birthday. Continue reading
Love and Travel
Love & Travel. Travel & Love.
Love to travel. Travel to Love.
But what is love? And is love different when you’re a traveler? Continue reading
Rejection: I’m Glad I’m a Woman
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about gender differences, and why it would be so nice to be a man. I’m not about to change my gender identity, but you guys have some things pretty good. Let’s look at a few examples. Continue reading
Culture Shock: A Gringa Girl Living in a Nica World
The catcalling started from the moment I first stepped out of my cab into the streets of León, Nicaragua. And it never ceased the entire month I stayed there. Catcalling is tiresome and irritating, but it’s harmless, right? Or is it a sign of something more sinister? Like harassment from a misogynist?
Continue reading
A Flashflood Leads to a NDE
Originally posted May 5, 2015
It’d been on my list of hikes to do in Maui for a while: the Commando hike. Cautioned never to attempt it without a local, I waited patiently for the opportunity to go. Everybody’s schedules finally aligned on Friday, but mother nature had other plans. It rained that morning, which means its absolutely not an option to do the hike. Not safe to hike up the river in high waters. We made the best of the day and hiked chutes and ladders on the west side of the island instead. Commando would have to wait.








